When Therapy Doesn’t Quite Fit: Rethinking Communication in the Therapy Room

Therapy is often described as a space for talking, reflecting, and feeling. But what happens when those very things—talking, reflecting, feeling—don’t come naturally, or don’t quite match how a person understands themselves?

For many clients, therapy can feel like trying to speak a language that isn’t their own. This isn’t just about verbal language, but about the unspoken rules of how we’re expected to communicate, relate, and feel within a therapeutic space.

Communication differences are real

Not everyone communicates in the same way. For some, emotions are hard to identify or describe. For others, emotions aren’t seen as internal and individual but as shared, collective experiences—interwoven with family, community, and culture.

And while therapy often centres around words, not everyone experiences clarity or relief through talking. Some clients may communicate through stories, metaphors, humour, long pauses, or not at all—and that’s okay.

When clients feel misunderstood

Clients can feel frustrated when they sense that their therapist is interpreting their words through the wrong lens. I’ve heard from clients who felt they had to constantly clarify or explain themselves, saying things like:

“That’s not really what I meant, but I didn’t know how else to say it.”

“I felt like I had to perform emotions I wasn’t really feeling.”

“I wasn’t sure how much to say, or what was expected of me.”

When a therapist approaches therapy through a singular cultural or neurotypical lens, it can unintentionally lead to clients feeling misheard or misrepresented.

The pressure to “speak therapy”

Clients often feel pressure to present themselves in a way that matches what they think a therapist wants to hear. This might mean using emotional language that doesn’t feel authentic, or masking parts of themselves to fit into the therapeutic mould. In doing so, they might unintentionally silence their true experience.

This can be especially challenging for those who come from backgrounds where emotional expression isn’t encouraged—or where it looks very different to Western norms. Others might struggle with the “right” words because of neurodivergent processing or limited comfort with English. None of this means they’re unfit for therapy. It means therapy needs to meet them where they are.

So what can we do about it?

We start by listening differently. With openness. With curiosity. With the humility to know we may not share the same communication style or cultural references. We make space for clients to share how they express themselves—however that looks.

We say things like: "I know we may experience or express things differently—please let me know if I’m getting something wrong.” “You don’t need to speak in a certain way here. Say what feels real to you.”

And importantly, we explore our own assumptions in supervision, reflecting on how our own frameworks may shape what we’re expecting to hear.

Therapy should meet you

Good therapy doesn’t require you to translate yourself into something more "digestible." Instead, it should adapt to you. Your rhythms. Your language. Your story. Inclusion in therapy begins with how we listen—and how we honour difference not as a barrier, but as a vital part of healing.